I miss the love of my life.
I am so far away, and it's been so long since I've held his hand, given and received a hug and a kiss. So long since I last sat in his lap on my couch and watched a random movie that neither of us really ended up watching anyways.
It feels like half of me is just gone.
And, to top it all off, he won't tell me what's going on with him and his life.
I tell him all about my day down the the little stuff, like what I ate. And what does he say when I ask about him, nothing... literally he says the word nothing.
Me: "What are you doing?"
Him: "Nothing."
Me: "What did you do today?"
Him: "Nothing."
Me: "What did you eat for dinner?"
Him: "Nothing."
Me: "What do you have planned for tomorrow?"
Him: "Nothing."
It's really hard to only ever hear the word nothing. I'm so far away, and it feels like he doesn't want to let me into his life anymore. I know he loves me, and I know that this is just as hard on him as it is on me, maybe even a little bit more. And I know this is just a way to help him cope...
But, it's slowly starting to wear me down....
I love him, more than anything... and, well, it's just hard....
Anybody have any advice that could help me?? Because I'd really appreciate it. Really, very much appreciate it.
Thank you wholeheartedly in advance.
Kaitlyn.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Relaxation
So last night when I went to bed, I tried out the relaxation hypnosis.
And it worked so well!
It's a half hour long of him telling you to relax deeper and deeper, but it was well worth it.
It helped me to go to sleep much faster than I normally would.
Normally it takes me anywhere from an hour or more, to fall asleep.
But I listened to the relaxation hypnosis, and I followed his instructions, and as soon as the thirty minutes were up, I swear it was like, five minutes later and I was OUT!
I do feel more relaxed and less stressed/tense feeling than I did yesterday, it was really nice.
I had to get up at 5:30 again to go run with my dog. And it was so easy. Next week I change to the week two podcast. Kinda excited!!!
But, two bad things. One, it was kinda cold and very windy, sometimes it was really really hard to hear him tell me when to walk and when to run. And I was wearing shorts and a tank top, so cold, yeah, very cold!
And... my left headphone went out. I turned on my ipod, and I walked out of the house, and I played the podcast and suddenly couldn't hear anything coming out of the left headphone.... I was like, are you kidding me?? Good thing it wasn't the side that his voice was coming out of, haha.
I really feel like napping. I am SO tired. I don't really like getting up early, I'd much rather stay up until one or two am, and then sleep all day, haha. So, even if I get enough sleep, if I get up early, I am so tired. I am going to the post office, and then to do some shopping. I hope that my mom and I get back early enough to take a nap. Because on Monday, we didn't. We had planned to be back by, like, well, early enough to take a nap... but we didn't get back until almost four. :( So yeah, no nap. And on Wednesday I had to go help bring back mattresses from mom's grandmother's house, through pouring rain that made me drive like, 40 mph on a 70 mph road... It was crazy!
I think that when I take my nap today, and since mom will be napping too and she takes really long naps, 2-5 hours at a time, haha.... anyways...
I think that when I take my nap that I will play the weight loss hypnosis. We'll see how it goes. :)
Well, I guess I'm good for now. I'll talk to you later, let you know how the hypnosis at naptime went!!!
Kaitlyn.
And it worked so well!
It's a half hour long of him telling you to relax deeper and deeper, but it was well worth it.
It helped me to go to sleep much faster than I normally would.
Normally it takes me anywhere from an hour or more, to fall asleep.
But I listened to the relaxation hypnosis, and I followed his instructions, and as soon as the thirty minutes were up, I swear it was like, five minutes later and I was OUT!
I do feel more relaxed and less stressed/tense feeling than I did yesterday, it was really nice.
I had to get up at 5:30 again to go run with my dog. And it was so easy. Next week I change to the week two podcast. Kinda excited!!!
But, two bad things. One, it was kinda cold and very windy, sometimes it was really really hard to hear him tell me when to walk and when to run. And I was wearing shorts and a tank top, so cold, yeah, very cold!
And... my left headphone went out. I turned on my ipod, and I walked out of the house, and I played the podcast and suddenly couldn't hear anything coming out of the left headphone.... I was like, are you kidding me?? Good thing it wasn't the side that his voice was coming out of, haha.
I really feel like napping. I am SO tired. I don't really like getting up early, I'd much rather stay up until one or two am, and then sleep all day, haha. So, even if I get enough sleep, if I get up early, I am so tired. I am going to the post office, and then to do some shopping. I hope that my mom and I get back early enough to take a nap. Because on Monday, we didn't. We had planned to be back by, like, well, early enough to take a nap... but we didn't get back until almost four. :( So yeah, no nap. And on Wednesday I had to go help bring back mattresses from mom's grandmother's house, through pouring rain that made me drive like, 40 mph on a 70 mph road... It was crazy!
I think that when I take my nap today, and since mom will be napping too and she takes really long naps, 2-5 hours at a time, haha.... anyways...
I think that when I take my nap that I will play the weight loss hypnosis. We'll see how it goes. :)
Well, I guess I'm good for now. I'll talk to you later, let you know how the hypnosis at naptime went!!!
Kaitlyn.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hypnosis
So, I'm reading about hpynosis. All of a sudden, it popped into my head and I was like, I need to read about it!
I downloaded a few hypnosis mp3's, one for relaxation and one for weight loss. :) (See how it connects??)
So, we'll see how that goes.
I didn't eat breakfast or lunch today. :( Even though it was on my to do list for today.
I was good and didn't overeat at dinner though, I ate until I felt full.
I got my exercise in. xD Being a hostess at a restaurant does have its perks.
Lots of walking! :D
I am as of right now having an in depth discussion with my friend... let's call him J since that's what his name IRL starts with. He truly believes that he cannot be hypnotized. I am reading something that explains hypnosis in depth scientifically. I need to find a way to get him the pdf file I am reading.
Well, I guess that's good for now. Well, I'm going to go read more about hypnosis. :)
Good luck guys!
Kaitlyn.
I downloaded a few hypnosis mp3's, one for relaxation and one for weight loss. :) (See how it connects??)
So, we'll see how that goes.
I didn't eat breakfast or lunch today. :( Even though it was on my to do list for today.
I was good and didn't overeat at dinner though, I ate until I felt full.
I got my exercise in. xD Being a hostess at a restaurant does have its perks.
Lots of walking! :D
I am as of right now having an in depth discussion with my friend... let's call him J since that's what his name IRL starts with. He truly believes that he cannot be hypnotized. I am reading something that explains hypnosis in depth scientifically. I need to find a way to get him the pdf file I am reading.
Well, I guess that's good for now. Well, I'm going to go read more about hypnosis. :)
Good luck guys!
Kaitlyn.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Thunder and Lightening, and Running Oh My!!
Haha.
So I ran again this morning.
I got up, well, I WOKE up at 5:30, and GOT up at 5:50 am. Ugh, I know!
Haha.
But I got ready and mom put the dog on her leash and we went out. Much easier this time simply because there was no one around.
On Monday when I went it was about seven something, and so there was a ton of traffic around the school I pass when I run. This time no one was around, so much easier.
Also it was just easier to run in general.
One more time this week and I'm done with week one Couch to 5k. :D Kinda excited!!!!
So I came back home and got ready to go out with mom. We left at about eight, and I posted on FB that I went running and that I got up at 5:30, and I asked my boyfriend if he felt proud of me. (He is an early riser, he is just a morning person. I on the other hand, would be nocturnal if I could, haha.) He told me no, but that he still loved me. Silly boy he is.
Mom and I stopped at McDonalds to eat breakfast. I ate 1/4 of a hashbrown and a breakfast burrito with orange juice. I normally would have gotten the meal and gotten two burritos, but I was good. :)
Then we went and got her grandmas truck so that we could register it. That didn't take all that long, and we went to her house to pick up some mattresses. I drove back to pick up mom's car. And the truck is an automatic, and I drive a stick. I haven't driven automatic for two years now. It took me a moment to really remember not to use my left foot. Haha.
I ate 3/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich, and all my tots from Sonic. And I drank a small lemon-berry slushie.
OHEMGEE! It rained so hard on the way home. I could only go like, forty mph for some of it, and I was on a 70 mph road. The visibility sucked!!!!!
And well, I guess that's good enough for today. I have to work tomorrow from 11:30 to 3.
Have a great night. :) And day tomorrow!
Kaitlyn.
So I ran again this morning.
I got up, well, I WOKE up at 5:30, and GOT up at 5:50 am. Ugh, I know!
Haha.
But I got ready and mom put the dog on her leash and we went out. Much easier this time simply because there was no one around.
On Monday when I went it was about seven something, and so there was a ton of traffic around the school I pass when I run. This time no one was around, so much easier.
Also it was just easier to run in general.
One more time this week and I'm done with week one Couch to 5k. :D Kinda excited!!!!
So I came back home and got ready to go out with mom. We left at about eight, and I posted on FB that I went running and that I got up at 5:30, and I asked my boyfriend if he felt proud of me. (He is an early riser, he is just a morning person. I on the other hand, would be nocturnal if I could, haha.) He told me no, but that he still loved me. Silly boy he is.
Mom and I stopped at McDonalds to eat breakfast. I ate 1/4 of a hashbrown and a breakfast burrito with orange juice. I normally would have gotten the meal and gotten two burritos, but I was good. :)
Then we went and got her grandmas truck so that we could register it. That didn't take all that long, and we went to her house to pick up some mattresses. I drove back to pick up mom's car. And the truck is an automatic, and I drive a stick. I haven't driven automatic for two years now. It took me a moment to really remember not to use my left foot. Haha.
I ate 3/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich, and all my tots from Sonic. And I drank a small lemon-berry slushie.
OHEMGEE! It rained so hard on the way home. I could only go like, forty mph for some of it, and I was on a 70 mph road. The visibility sucked!!!!!
And well, I guess that's good enough for today. I have to work tomorrow from 11:30 to 3.
Have a great night. :) And day tomorrow!
Kaitlyn.
Whoopsies...
Haha, forgot to blog last night before I got off for the night, so here's yesterday!:
Well, after I ran, I took a nice long shower.... our plan was to take a nap and go do our errands in the afternoon...
But then mom comes and knocks on the door saying that we're going to run errands this morning and nap in the afternoon...
I really wanted that nap then though, haha. Running made me tired.
So, we got ready and we left.
Returned something to Hobby Lobby. Mom was really disappointed in their clearance section. Their clearance section sucks right now because the whole store has gone Christmas-y. I mean, come on.... It's not even September yet. Haha....
So then we went to JCP, and mom tried on a butt-load of clothes because she always buys something new when she has an event coming up. In this case it was because her company that she works for, Stampin' Up!, is having a regional event on September 11th, and she gets to talk in front of all the people there at the Saturday one, it's on Friday too, and she gets to help people make the projects if they need help... so anyways, that wasn't really my point with this blog... haha.
So we spent a couple of hours there I think, wandering the store, going from clearance rack to clearance rack. She only bought two things that weren't on clearance. And she bought quite a lot because most of the stuff she bought was only four dollars....
Then we went to eat, because by that time, I was HUNGRY! Haha.
We went through the drive-through at MickyD's. I got a happy meal cheeseburger. And it was wonderful.
Because on Sunday night, I was eating dinner with my family, and we got on the topic of onions because we were talking about the foods that my sister didn't like. And she used to not like them. And I mentioned that I LOVE the minced onions that they put on the happy meal cheeseburgers.
SO... yesterday when we went through the drive-through, that's what I got because I loved them. We went to Ulta, or well, Mom did really. I ate my burger, my fries, and a little bit of hers. Normally I would have eaten ALL the fries, from both of our meals, but I could actually tell when I got full this time!!!! I felt so good. Oh, I also had a lemonade. My favorite drink. :)
Then, we went to a store called Upscale, and I got a shirt. It's a medium in juniors. :D Usually I end up wearing a large.
I think it might have something to do with the style of the shirt.... but, I don't care. It's a medium.
Then we had to go find a Target, because my sister needed a WHOLE bunch more stuff for school that she hadn't said before...
And we got what she needed, but I also got two books! In a series, but still! I almost never get new books, I have to borrow from a library, and I haven't gotten around to the library here yet... I should work on that...
The series is The Hunger Games... and I own the first one thanks to my boyfriend who won it, and then gave it to me. And then we bought the second and third one yesterday. I am SOOO excited to read the third one. I'm only seven chapters in, about to start on the eighth. Ha, and when I told my boyfriend that I hadn't finished it yet, he figured I would have, he gasped. I had to tell him that I had only started it like, fifteen minutes ago.
I never got to take my nap, and my sister didn't make spaghetti for dinner like she said she was going to, she made burgers...
Um, so yeah, that's about it for my day. Most of the time, my day isn't nearly this eventful, so don't expect really long blogs ALL the time, haha.
Well, I have to start getting ready and whatnot... I have to go to work today.
Which isn't all that bad. I like working at Cracker Barrel. :)
So, have a great day, night, whenever! Haha.
Goodluck to you!!!!
Kaitlyn.
Well, after I ran, I took a nice long shower.... our plan was to take a nap and go do our errands in the afternoon...
But then mom comes and knocks on the door saying that we're going to run errands this morning and nap in the afternoon...
I really wanted that nap then though, haha. Running made me tired.
So, we got ready and we left.
Returned something to Hobby Lobby. Mom was really disappointed in their clearance section. Their clearance section sucks right now because the whole store has gone Christmas-y. I mean, come on.... It's not even September yet. Haha....
So then we went to JCP, and mom tried on a butt-load of clothes because she always buys something new when she has an event coming up. In this case it was because her company that she works for, Stampin' Up!, is having a regional event on September 11th, and she gets to talk in front of all the people there at the Saturday one, it's on Friday too, and she gets to help people make the projects if they need help... so anyways, that wasn't really my point with this blog... haha.
So we spent a couple of hours there I think, wandering the store, going from clearance rack to clearance rack. She only bought two things that weren't on clearance. And she bought quite a lot because most of the stuff she bought was only four dollars....
Then we went to eat, because by that time, I was HUNGRY! Haha.
We went through the drive-through at MickyD's. I got a happy meal cheeseburger. And it was wonderful.
Because on Sunday night, I was eating dinner with my family, and we got on the topic of onions because we were talking about the foods that my sister didn't like. And she used to not like them. And I mentioned that I LOVE the minced onions that they put on the happy meal cheeseburgers.
SO... yesterday when we went through the drive-through, that's what I got because I loved them. We went to Ulta, or well, Mom did really. I ate my burger, my fries, and a little bit of hers. Normally I would have eaten ALL the fries, from both of our meals, but I could actually tell when I got full this time!!!! I felt so good. Oh, I also had a lemonade. My favorite drink. :)
Then, we went to a store called Upscale, and I got a shirt. It's a medium in juniors. :D Usually I end up wearing a large.
I think it might have something to do with the style of the shirt.... but, I don't care. It's a medium.
Then we had to go find a Target, because my sister needed a WHOLE bunch more stuff for school that she hadn't said before...
And we got what she needed, but I also got two books! In a series, but still! I almost never get new books, I have to borrow from a library, and I haven't gotten around to the library here yet... I should work on that...
The series is The Hunger Games... and I own the first one thanks to my boyfriend who won it, and then gave it to me. And then we bought the second and third one yesterday. I am SOOO excited to read the third one. I'm only seven chapters in, about to start on the eighth. Ha, and when I told my boyfriend that I hadn't finished it yet, he figured I would have, he gasped. I had to tell him that I had only started it like, fifteen minutes ago.
I never got to take my nap, and my sister didn't make spaghetti for dinner like she said she was going to, she made burgers...
Um, so yeah, that's about it for my day. Most of the time, my day isn't nearly this eventful, so don't expect really long blogs ALL the time, haha.
Well, I have to start getting ready and whatnot... I have to go to work today.
Which isn't all that bad. I like working at Cracker Barrel. :)
So, have a great day, night, whenever! Haha.
Goodluck to you!!!!
Kaitlyn.
Running Buddies!
Guess what?!
I ran this morning!!! Ahwoots! Ahwoots! *does a happy dance*
Yupp, I got up at seven, and I went running with my dog.
Which, by the way, isn't all that easy as she wants to stop and sniff stuff..... All well...
All in all, it went pretty well.
I am back doing the Couch to 5k thing again.... And this time, I'm going to STICK TO IT!
Just in case you don't know...
It's a program to get people from their couch (aka the lazy bums who haven't run since high school PE *ahem* me...) to be able to run three miles in nine weeks...
For week one: Five minute warm up walk (brisk walk!), then 8 sets of: 60s of running and 90s of walking, and then it's a five minute cool down walk.
It's not all that bad. Hopefully I stick to it, unlike last time where I quit after the first day because it was just TOO HOT!
My dog is going to be my running buddy!
(See, here's where the title links back in!)
I asked her this morning if she wanted to go on a walk with me, and she jumped up and went to her leash all excited.
And while we were running I asked her, well, here's our conversation:
Me: Dixie Lou... would you be willing to do this three times a week?
Dixie: (gives me a funny look, keeps running)
Me: (gives her a look back) You know... we could trim some of that unwanted puppy fat!
Haha. You know, puppy fat, like baby fat?? She's not quite three yet. She will be on the eleventh of September though. (We make my dad share his birthday with her... lol.)
So, hopefully I stick to this. Hopefully it doesn't get too hot again...
I won't quit Zumba, because that is just fun! :) So I think I will Zumba tonight, that way I get my exercise day in.
I feel like this is a brand new start! Yayyyy! I think I will also start cracking down on my eating again too. I mean, I'm not doing badly. I'm not overeating, I don't go back for seconds anymore... but I think it's time to kick it up a notch! *BAM* (Emiril Style! WOOTS!)
Well, it's time for me to take a shower. I think I will blog again tonight about my whole day, my eating habits, etc. If you are reading this, and I haven't posted by 11 pm Central Time, (hopefully you can figure out what time that is your time.... depending on where you're at...) message me to remind me, or, well, yeah, I guess that's good enough.
Because most likely I will be on the computer, and when someone messages me in my SparkMail inbox, it sends an email to me, and when I get an email, windows live messenger lets me know. :) So make sure I blog again! Okay??
Well, yet again, time for a shower. I think this is my longest blog to date! Yippee!!! :)
Good luck to you in your endeavors. Don't get discouraged. But, if you do, blog about how you truly feel and I know that SO many people will comment and make you feel better! Haha, I know my Sparkfriends, and just some others helped me out when I felt bad.
Again... showertime... goodness, I keep getting distracted!!!!
Goodluck!
Kaitlyn.
I ran this morning!!! Ahwoots! Ahwoots! *does a happy dance*
Yupp, I got up at seven, and I went running with my dog.
Which, by the way, isn't all that easy as she wants to stop and sniff stuff..... All well...
All in all, it went pretty well.
I am back doing the Couch to 5k thing again.... And this time, I'm going to STICK TO IT!
Just in case you don't know...
It's a program to get people from their couch (aka the lazy bums who haven't run since high school PE *ahem* me...) to be able to run three miles in nine weeks...
For week one: Five minute warm up walk (brisk walk!), then 8 sets of: 60s of running and 90s of walking, and then it's a five minute cool down walk.
It's not all that bad. Hopefully I stick to it, unlike last time where I quit after the first day because it was just TOO HOT!
My dog is going to be my running buddy!
(See, here's where the title links back in!)
I asked her this morning if she wanted to go on a walk with me, and she jumped up and went to her leash all excited.
And while we were running I asked her, well, here's our conversation:
Me: Dixie Lou... would you be willing to do this three times a week?
Dixie: (gives me a funny look, keeps running)
Me: (gives her a look back) You know... we could trim some of that unwanted puppy fat!
Haha. You know, puppy fat, like baby fat?? She's not quite three yet. She will be on the eleventh of September though. (We make my dad share his birthday with her... lol.)
So, hopefully I stick to this. Hopefully it doesn't get too hot again...
I won't quit Zumba, because that is just fun! :) So I think I will Zumba tonight, that way I get my exercise day in.
I feel like this is a brand new start! Yayyyy! I think I will also start cracking down on my eating again too. I mean, I'm not doing badly. I'm not overeating, I don't go back for seconds anymore... but I think it's time to kick it up a notch! *BAM* (Emiril Style! WOOTS!)
Well, it's time for me to take a shower. I think I will blog again tonight about my whole day, my eating habits, etc. If you are reading this, and I haven't posted by 11 pm Central Time, (hopefully you can figure out what time that is your time.... depending on where you're at...) message me to remind me, or, well, yeah, I guess that's good enough.
Because most likely I will be on the computer, and when someone messages me in my SparkMail inbox, it sends an email to me, and when I get an email, windows live messenger lets me know. :) So make sure I blog again! Okay??
Well, yet again, time for a shower. I think this is my longest blog to date! Yippee!!! :)
Good luck to you in your endeavors. Don't get discouraged. But, if you do, blog about how you truly feel and I know that SO many people will comment and make you feel better! Haha, I know my Sparkfriends, and just some others helped me out when I felt bad.
Again... showertime... goodness, I keep getting distracted!!!!
Goodluck!
Kaitlyn.
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
You know, I'm not sure I can do this....
Well, the eating part, I've pretty much got down pat...
Some hang ups here and there...
Like mom has TONS of candy here in the house, and I've eaten WAY more than my share. :(
But you don't blame me right??
It's the exercise.... I can never seem to do any.
Well, I walk a lot at work, but does that REALLY count as exercise? It's a lot of walking back and forth for four hours. (I'm a hostess at a restaurant.)
I like Zumba, I really do. I have pretty much all the dances down now, but I never seem to remember to do it. So: Fail.
And running... Oh boy....
I was doing pretty well with that in the beginning too... yeah, I haven't run in like, a month and a half. Another Fail.
I WOULD like to work out, but I just don't.
*sigh*
And I'm not sure what it is... Do I just simply lack the motivation to workout and exercise?? Or do I simply subconciously NOT want to workout?? I don't know what it is.
Maybe it's because I don't want to do it by myself?? I really don't know.
ADVICE??
I hope that your endeavors are going WAY better than mine.
Kaitlyn.
Well, the eating part, I've pretty much got down pat...
Some hang ups here and there...
Like mom has TONS of candy here in the house, and I've eaten WAY more than my share. :(
But you don't blame me right??
It's the exercise.... I can never seem to do any.
Well, I walk a lot at work, but does that REALLY count as exercise? It's a lot of walking back and forth for four hours. (I'm a hostess at a restaurant.)
I like Zumba, I really do. I have pretty much all the dances down now, but I never seem to remember to do it. So: Fail.
And running... Oh boy....
I was doing pretty well with that in the beginning too... yeah, I haven't run in like, a month and a half. Another Fail.
I WOULD like to work out, but I just don't.
*sigh*
And I'm not sure what it is... Do I just simply lack the motivation to workout and exercise?? Or do I simply subconciously NOT want to workout?? I don't know what it is.
Maybe it's because I don't want to do it by myself?? I really don't know.
ADVICE??
I hope that your endeavors are going WAY better than mine.
Kaitlyn.
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